


Heaven

by fangirlingtodeath513



Series: Season 12 Coda Fics [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, castiel's "heaven", pre-coda for s13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 11:56:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11897244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingtodeath513/pseuds/fangirlingtodeath513
Summary: Nothing comes to him. Nothing at all. His mind is a blank slate. He knows there’s something he can’t remember, but there’s not even a thread in his mind to tug on to begin to remember whatever it is he’s lost. He lets out a quiet sigh and grabs a rock, scratching the heaven-jumping sigil onto the nearby treehouse door. This time when he steps through, though, his heart stops.This… this one he knows. This is paradise, the paradise. The one Jack had shown him not so long ago.





	Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well I thought this came from a Tumblr ask, either elizabethrobertajones or rosewhipped22, but I can't find it in my email, so... send me a message on Tumblr if you find the post so I can add it here?

“Cas, buddy, you still listening?” Castiel blinks a few times, his eyes focusing on Dean’s face. 

 

“I… yes. My apologies.” He looks around the room and finds himself in the Bunker’s library. Strange. Last he remembered, he was…  _ where was he? Why can’t he remember? _

 

“Cas? I asked if you were coming to bed with me. You okay?” He looks up at Dean, confused. Why would he go to bed with Dean? Castiel normally slept in the spare room in the Bunker when he was there. Besides, wouldn’t it be strange for he and Dean to share a room? Regardless, he pushes himself to his feet and follows Dean to his room.

 

Something’s wrong. He feels it all the way down to his bones. It was too late to dwell on that thought, though. As soon as he stepped through the door, he was somewhere else. The autistic man’s garden. He hasn’t been here in… almost six years. Why was he here now? How did he get here? He looked around in a daze, glancing down at himself. He was intact, but there was… there was something flitting around  _ just _ outside his memory that he couldn’t figure out. Something nagging at him, like his body trying to tell him what’s wrong. He looks around slowly, though he doesn’t see anyone but the autistic man. He sits down on the familiar bench, closing his eyes and trying to remember anything. Where he was last, what he remembers doing, the last thing Sam or Dean said…

 

Nothing comes to him. Nothing at all. His mind is a blank slate. He  _ knows _ there’s something he can’t remember, but there’s not even a thread in his mind to tug on to  _ begin  _ to remember whatever it is he’s lost. He lets out a quiet sigh and grabs a rock, scratching the heaven-jumping sigil onto the nearby treehouse door. This time when he steps through, though, his heart stops.

 

This… this one he knows. This is paradise,  _ the _ paradise. The one Jack had shown him not so long ago.  _ Jack _ . He looks around and suddenly everything comes flooding back. The lake cabin, Kelly, the nephilim, the Winchesters showing up, Lucifer showing up, the rift. Everything. He feels a piercing pain through the back of his chest, but he squeezes his eyes shut and wills the pain away. He knows it isn’t real, he knows it’s just him remembering what got him… here. Heaven. Of all the places he thought he’d end up when he died, Heaven certainly wasn’t one of them. Much less his  _ own _ heaven. He had wondered, though. He’d certainly had a soul after Metatron had stolen his grace, he’d always wondered what had happened to it once he’d gotten his grace back. He knows the answer, now. It only took an angel blade to the back to get it. 

 

It makes no sense, though. He’s never seen this place before, besides in Jack’s vision. Heaven is supposed to be your greatest memories before you finally settle into somewhere you feel comfortable. But… None of those things had been memories. Dean had never invited him to bed, and he’d never just gone to the autistic man’s heaven to stand there. And this place… he’d never been here before. Not that he remembers, anyway. He supposes Naomi could’ve wiped it from his memory, but it seems unlikely.

 

“Figured it out already, have you?” Castiel turns and, much to his surprise, sees Death himself. He tilts his head slightly, squinting at the looming black figure.

 

“I know I’m dead, if that’s what you mean. I’m not entirely sure where I am.” Death hums quietly and steps closer to Castiel, who recoils back before he can stop himself. Death chuckles.

 

“I’m not here to hurt you, Cas. I’m just here to make you an offer.” Castiel raises an eyebrow at that, but stands his ground, nodding slowly.

 

“Alright. What’s the offer?” Death smiles, motioning for Castiel to sit in a chair he could’ve sworn wasn’t there before. He complies and watches as Death sits in a chair opposite him, tugging his trench coat around himself like a barrier. 

 

“I take it you’ve never thought to question where angels go when they die?” Castiel shakes his head slowly, looking around again.

 

“No, I’ve… never really thought about it, if I’m being honest. I don’t remember anything from the previous times I’ve been dead.” It strikes him that it’s an odd thing to say, but he supposes being around the Winchesters has made it much less odd. He furrows his eyebrows, looking around again. “If this is where angels go when they die… where are they? Gabriel and Balthazar and Gadreel and Samandriel. All the…” He swallows past the lump growing in his throat. Death raises an eyebrow at him.

 

“All the angels you killed?” Castiel winces at the calm delivery, but nods. Death shrugs. “I told them to leave us. This place is bigger than you imagine, Castiel. You’ve been here before, actually. With the Winchesters.” Castiel shoots a confused look at Death, who simply shrugs again. “Limbo. Theoretically, it’s below Hell. It keeps angels from using their powers, which is why God put the cage down here, instead of in Hell. Lucifer isn’t nearly as strong here as he would be in Hell. Well. He wasn’t when he was still in the cage, anyway.” Castiel winces at that as well, shifting in his seat to avoid looking at Death. 

 

“Why are you here? Dean said he-”

 

“He didn’t. No one can kill me unless I want them to, Castiel. You should know that.” Castiel lets out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, looking up at Death once again.

 

“So why are you here?”

 

“For you, of course. I don’t make house calls for just any angel.” Castiel rolls his eyes at that, his hands resting limply in his lap.

 

“I’m nothing special. Ask anyone.”

 

“Oh, but aren’t you? The angel with a crack in his chassis, isn’t that what they called you?” Castiel shrugs noncommittally, taking a sudden interest in the barren ground beneath their feet. For the first time, he realizes he isn’t wearing shoes. Strange. Death chuckles quietly, continuing, “Did you think that wasn’t intended, Castiel? If God hadn’t wanted to infect angels with free will, he would’ve stomped you out before you even realized you were alive. Instead, he let you live. He let you save Dean Winchester, he let you  _ doubt _ . You’re not like them, you were never going to be.”

 

Castiel lets out a quiet sigh, timidly raising his eyes to meet Death. “Why are you so eager to be here, then? If I’m just a broken angel, what good am I?”

 

Death smiles. “That’s the question, isn’t it. What good are you? Where can you do the most good? As an angel, or… somewhere else?” 

 

Castiel raises his eyebrows at that. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

 

“Yes you are. It’s been on your mind for four years, now.” 

 

Oh. Well he can’t say that’s what he expected. “I have to choose between the Winchesters and angels?”

 

Death shrugs. “Not necessarily. If you want to continue to be an angel, I’ll restore you to your original power. Or I can bring you back as a human, and you can live out a human life with the Winchesters.” Death raises an eyebrow. “Dean, in particular.”

 

Castiel forces himself not to react to that. Before he can answer, he sees his clothes changing. Death chuckles. 

 

“Guess that answers my question for me, doesn’t it? It was nice chatting with you, Cas.”

  
  
  


_ May 19, 2017 _

_ 5:45AM _

 

Waking up, that was the best way Castiel had to describe it. Waking up after a particularly in-depth dream, feeling your consciousness slowly coming back to the surface. His right hand felt… much warmer than the rest of his body. He could feel a wetness on the side of his neck and idly wondered if it had rained. The brightness lighting up his eyelids was, quite frankly, blinding. He struggles for a moment before he manages to crack his eyes open, squeezing them shut immediately against the light of the newly-risen sun. Another drip hits the side of his neck. He tenses slightly, waiting for the rain to hit the rest of him, but it… doesn’t.He blinks slowly a few times, watching the world slowly come into focus around him. He notices a tickle along his jaw, and…  _ oh. _

 

He hadn’t heard the sobs before. They were soft, barely-there, heartbreaking sounds. Just quiet little gasps of breath and a shudder every few seconds. He tries to speak but finds that his voice is frustratingly silent. He swallows and tries again.

 

“Dean…” His voice comes out in a weak, barely audible whisper. Nonetheless, the head currently buried in his neck whips up to look at him, the eyes bloodshot and tired. A sob, louder this time, racks through the body of the hunter.

 

“C-Cas? I-I thought…” Castiel smiles weakly, squeezing Dean’s hand that currently has a vice grip on his. He clears his throat quietly.

 

“I was. Death…” He huffs in frustration when his voice fades out, trying to clear his throat again. Dean springs into action before Castiel even realizes it. He pulls Castiel to his feet, gently guiding him back into the cabin. He ushers Castiel into a seat at the kitchen table, filling a glass with water and setting it in front of him.

 

“Drink, it’ll help. Then you can tell me what happened.” Castiel nods, taking the glass and taking a sip.

 

_ Oh _ . He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was. He continues drinking until he empties the glass, looking up at Dean. Dean chuckles weakly and fills the glass again. Castiel promptly drinks half of it before setting it back on the table in front of him.

 

“Death was there. He… He brought me back. But Dean-”

 

“No, Cas. No buts. You’re back, that’s all that matters.” Castiel shakes his head.

 

“No, Dean, it isn’t. I’m not… I’m… He brought me back human.” Dean’s eyebrows shoot up at that, his eyes locking onto Castiel’s for the first time since the latter woke up.

 

“He… You’re… human?” Castiel nods slowly, dreading Dean’s reaction.

 

Before Castiel has a chance to explain himself, Dean’s face goes blank. Castiel winces in preparation for the self-hatred about to come. He takes a breath and holds up a hand when Dean opens his mouth to speak.

 

“Don’t. Please. He gave me a choice. I could come back an angel with all my powers restored or as a human and live out the remainder of a human life. I picked this, Dean.” Dean’s eyebrows furrow at that.

 

“But… why?” Castiel smiles softly.  _ Silly, dense hunter. _

 

“I’ve wanted to be human ever since Metatron forced me to fall. Probably before that, though I didn’t acknowledge it. I never fit in with angels, and now it makes so much sense  _ why _ . I was never meant to be an angel. I was meant to find you and Sam and learn to be human. And… and a hunter, if you’ll have me.” 

 

He watches a range of emotions flit across Dean’s face before the other man takes a breath, a small smile spreading across his lips. “Of course we will, Cas. You’ve been a hunter for a while now.”

 

Castiel smiles and lets his hunter fuss over him until Sam returns and they can go home.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [here(:](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/)
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT POST MY WORKS ANYWHERE BUT HERE OR TUMBLR WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION.


End file.
